Stay Home, Stay Happy - Chapter 8: Ace Your Space

"To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labor tends, and of which every desire prompts the prosecution." -- Samuel Johnson

This chapter talks about "Creating a Soulful home".

My goal: to create a home that is functional (less work for me) and an environment that reflects our values. Don't we all want to have this kind of home?? Specially the "less work for me" part. It's not that easy with kids around. But it can be worked out.

Start with the family table

Because family meals are central to the soul of your home life. Regularly eating together anchors your family and provides many more benefits than most of us think about. We don't have any problem in this area as we eat together on a daily basis, thanks to hubby's tolerable work schedule. The only concern is that our little one tends to dilly-dally when eating. Sometimes it takes him a full hour to finish one small bowl!

It's not hard to imagine that children and teens who share meals regularly with their parents have better overall diets and finer table manners, but did you know that they are also more likely to have bigger vocabularies and better grades, and are less likely to smoke, drink, have sex, get depressed, consider suicide, or have an eating disorder?

Rules to make your table a family table

1. Starting with a prayer or thanksgiving ritual sets the tone.
2. No distractions! Turn the TV off; let the phone ring. Make this hour sacred. Unfortunately, with all the technology (tv, smart phones, etc) surrounding us and becoming part of our daily lives, it is quite hard to "cut them off" our circulation. Guilty as charged!
3. Get the kids in on the food preparations - they are more likely to eat their food if they help.
4. Keep dinner conversations enjoyable by avoiding topics like "You never clean your room, take out the trash," etc. This is not the time to nag.
5. Manners matter. This is the opportunity to teach kids important life skills.
6. Keep the conversation inclusive. Allow every member to contribute. Don't let one person take over the conversation.
7. Keep it respectful - no laughing at others or teasing allowed.
8. Forget about the "no politics and religion" rule! This is a time for families to discuss the world around them and to share and instill your family's values. At the same time, allow your kids to have different opinions and to share them without criticism.

Your home should encourage togetherness

After the kitchen, the most important gathering spot in your home is going to be the living room or family room. In the case of most flats in Singapore though, the living room and the dining room is "integrated". There are pros and cons to this kind of set up.

Create an atmosphere in your home where kids are welcome everywhere.

Creating an environment that encourages reading also encourages togetherness. Learn to associate reading with a positive cozy experience.

Include a small altar, where we keep religious symbols, candles, and prayer books.

Create other tangible symbols of what you share together as a family, such as cherished photos and mementos of trips and special occasions.

Creating a designated space that helps your family understand its identity and values brings history and meaning to your gatherings.

Get the most form your space

Anything you can do to save time on housework in your home is time you can spend doing other, more enjoyable activities.

Consolidating activities into one room allows you to eke out together time while you take care of necessary chores.

Try to create a space that kids can happily retreat to when grown-ups need some alone time.

The outside matters too

Don't forget the outdoors when it comes to your home.  You should always find ways to make the outdoors just as inviting a place to be together as indoors so you can enjoy fresh air and family bonding at the same time!

Little things mean a lot

Every home has its own style and rhythm because every mother and her family are so very different. One of the greatest pleasures of being a mom is creating a warm and inviting place for everyone to come home to. We just don't set the scene, we set the tone.

It's up to us to make the home a sanctuary as opposed to a source of friction or stress.

Home as sanctuary

Your home is a sanctuary from the outside world and the place in which the most important things in life unfold. Creating your family's "sanctuary" is an important task that requires thought and love.

Kids are less resistant on the days I have the patience to explain that picking up mess is more than a chore; it's a way to show respect for our home and what we do to make it nice and cozy for them.

Creating a home that feels like a sanctuary from the outside world is especially important for family members who have to spend hours away from it at work or school. 

The lessons in love taught in the home have a greater impact on the world than the things that happen in places of commerce or government. Indeed, those institutions are just that - institutions. It is the people who inhabit those institutions - their character, honesty and the passion that they bring to their work - that can make those agencies forces of good in our world. These virtues are first - and best - learned in the family home, where members learn to love, share, and care for one another.

Am I creating a soulful home? Is my home a sanctuary?

1. When  think of my home, the word that comes to mind is:

a. Love

b. Warmth

c. Chaos

d. Fun

2. On a typical evening after the kids go to bed you will find me:

a. reading in my favourite chair. I love the quiet.

b. fast asleep. I'm exhausted.

c. alone, watching mind-numbing TV to forget about the laundry and housework that's piling up.

d. hanging our with my hubby, talking and watching our favorite show.

3. When I reflect on my day in the evening, I feel:

a. proud of what I accomplished

b. tired, but grateful

c. resentful. I'm tired of being tired.

d. happy to be alive!

4. On a scale of 1 to 4, I would rate my home's function and beauty as:

a. (4) I've worked hard and found clever ways to make my house organized and charming.

b. (2) I wish my spouse and I agreed on the importance of aesthetics in a home so we would follow through with more of the changes I think it needs.

c. (1) I hate my house, and that's why I don't like having company.

d. (3) It's not perfect, but I'm making improvements and have a long-term plan.

If you answered mostly a, b and d, then your home is your sanctuary or it is on its way to becoming the place you want it to be for you and your family. If you answered mostly c, you need to consider the psychological and family benefits of a home that meets your family's needs and makes your day easier. You are home most of the day and deserve a space that works for you and makes you proud.

I can safely say that I have somehow made our home somewhat of a functional and semi-comfy place to be. Of course, there will be times of chaos especially after the kids play around during the weekend leaving board games and toys on the floor, or when my paper files are not in the proper places. But in general, I have a space that works for me during the day - with my computer cum work table in the living room where everything else is accessible. It's not my "dream work station" yet, but it's getting there. 

Everything is a work in progress. We add bits and pieces of us as a family to our living room every time. New toys on display in the glass panels. New photos from our family holidays. Medals or trophies received by the kids adorn their respective rooms. Memories are created as mementos add up.

So what's your home atmosphere like?

Bisita Iglesia 2011

Our third year of visiting churches during Good Friday. This time we explored the churches on the west district - that means we travelled from the north east side of Singapore to the western side. Here is the map of our Bisita Iglesia route:

Same as every year, we started at St Anne's Church in Sengkang, the one closest to our place.

We left home a little bit later in the morning as the kids got up late. We read the first and second stations from the booklet given out by the church weeks ago for lent reflections (From Wilderness to the Waters of Life). We also let the kids have their share of reading and reflection. Let me share them with you:

First Station: Jesus is condemned to death

Jesus is brought to stand in front of Pontius Pilate, the judge. He is innocent but Pontius Pilate condemns him anyway and sentences Him to death.

It is really our bad thoughts, mean words, and angry actions that You are being punished for, Jesus. We are praying the Stations of the Cross to tell You that we are sorry for all our sins.

Second Station: Jesus takes his cross

Jesus has been beaten by soldiers. He has been laughed at and spat upon. Now he must pick up the heavy cross and carry it while the crowd yells. He is so tired and sad, but no one cares.

We care that You are tired, Jesus. We are sorry that You are sad. We would like to help You carry Your cross with our prayers.

Then we headed to Church of St Ignatius (church #2) at 120 King's Road. It was around an hour's bus ride, taking bus 136 to Blk 302, Upper Serangoon Road, then transferring to bus 153, alighting at Spanish Village, Farrer Road. 

Since we started quite late in the morning, it was already 12 noon when we got Spanish Village. We decided to have lunch first (no meat for the adults).

After lunch, we headed to the Church of St Ignatius which was a block or so away - an uphill walk.

When we got there, they were in the middle of the mass so we decided to wait it out. We visited the bookshop while waiting. The bookshop lady was very nice and accommodating. When she saw us standing outside the shop for a very long time (we had gone back and forth to the church which was on the second floor for a few times then), obviously very hot, she came out and invited us in the shop where we could be more comfortable with the aircon. We found out she was about 1/4 or 1/8 Filipina. Her grandmother (who she was not able to meet personally) was a Filipina. 

After about 30 minutes or so, we headed back up to the church. Finally, the mass was over. We were able to read the next two stations of the cross.

Third Station: Jesus falls the first time

The cross is too heavy. It is so heavy that Jesus falls down under its weight. The blood from the crown of thorns is running into His eyes and His back aches from the scourging. People are still screaming and throwing things at Him. His heart must be as heavy as the cross He carries. 

It is our sins that make Your cross heavy, Jesus. We are sorry. We love You and we try to be good for You with our prayers and with our lives.

Fourth Station: Jesus meets His Blessed Mother

Suddenly, Jesus sees His mother. She is standing at the side of the road surrounded by the crowd. Her eyes filled with tears when she sees Jesus. She wants to help Him out but she cannot. Both their hearts ache at the other's pain.

Jesus, You and Your Blessed Mother help us whenever we ask. Our hearts ache too with the pain of the Stations of the Cross. We promise to pray to You both often, for help in our lives.

Moving on to our third church, the Blessed Sacrament Church at 1 Commonwealth Drive. It was around 20 mins bus ride from the Spanish Village taking either bus 93, 153, 855, 961, alighting at Opposite Blessed Sacrament Church.

Fifth Station: Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus carry the cross

The soldiers are in a hurry. They grab Simon of Cyrene out of the crowd to carry the cross and make Jesus go faster. Jesus was grateful to Simon for his help.

Simon did not know he was blessed when he was carrying Your cross - he only felt how heavy it was. Praying the Stations of the Cross will help us to remember that carrying our crosses helps You too.

Sixth Station: Veronica wipes the face of Jesus

Jesus' face is covered with sweat, blood and dust. It is itchy and uncomfortable. In pity, Veronica runs out to the road to wipe the dirt from Jesus' face. This small act of kindness is all she can do to help Him.

Jesus, we want to see and touch Your face, shining in glory in Heaven. We know that our small acts of kindness and our prayers help us grow closer to You and Your Father in Heaven.

Then we headed to our fourth church - Church of the Holy Cross at 450 Clementi Avenue 1 via bus 196 from After Commonwealth Drive, Queensway bus stop. It was a 26-minute bus ride, alighting at Transview Golf Club, Clementi Road.

Seventh Station: Jesus falls the second time

The road is so long and the cross is so heavy. Exhausted, Jesus falls down again. The soldiers yell at Him and whip Him to make Him up. Don't they know that they are hurting Him more? Jesus knows that He is suffering for the sins of the world. He gets up and keeps walking.

Jesus, sometimes we get tired, discouraged and impatient with the world. When we fail and fall into sin, it hurts You more. We are sorry and we ask You to help us be as patient and brave as You.

Eigth Station: Jesus speaks to women of Jerusalem

Next, Jesus meets some of the women he taught. They are crying. They are crying for Jesus, and for their own loss - what will they do without Jesus? Jesus tells them not to weep for Him, but for all the sinners of the world.

Jesus, You told the women of Jerusalem to weep for us. Even in Your pain, You remembered us. Thank you. We will pray for sinners, too.

We stayed at the Church of the Holy Cross for almost an hour I think because we were held up by the rain. As expected, it usually rains in the afternoon of Good Friday. 

On to our fifth church - Church of St Francis of Assissi at 200 Boon Lay Avenue, we took bus 198 from the bus stop at Blk 610, AYE, which was quite a walk from the church. We crossed the overpass to the other side of the AYE. The next church was 24 stops away, alighting at Blk 185, Boon Lay Avenue.

It was still drizzling when we walked to the church. The mass was almost starting so we had to read the two stations while sitting on the bench.

Ninth Station: Christ's Third Fall

Jesus reaches the last hill before Calvary. He looks up to see how far He has to go. When He sees the hill where He knows He is going to die, His strength leaves Him and He falls to the ground. There is still more pain, still more sorrow to endure. But Jesus loves us, so He keeps going.

Jesus, You kept going even though You were tired, scared and sad. You loved us then, and You love us now. We offer our prayers to tell You that we love You, and want to comfort You in Your great sacrifice.

Tenth Station: Jesus is stripped of His garments

The crowd has followed Jesus and the soldiers to the top of Calvary Hill. Now they laugh as the guards pull off His clothes - His robe has stuck to the blood on His back. The guards push and shove Jesus. They do not care who He is, they only see that He is an object of scorn.

Jesus, even wounded, bleeding, roughly treated by the guards and mocked by the crowds, You were and are still our King. We ask You to remember us in Your Kingdom.

We didn't waste anytime, and walked to the bus stop under the rain with our very small umbrella to shield us. Our sixth church - Church of St Mary of the Angels, was 16 bus stops away from Blk 176, Boon Lay Avenue via bus 174, alighting at Church of St Mary, Bukit Batok East Avenue 6.

As with most of the churches we visited, there was a mass going on. The church was packed. Chairs were arranged outside to accommodate the rest of the congregation that did not fit inside the church. We had to stand on the side and read the remaining stations. We decided this would be our last stop.

Eleventh Station: Jesus is nailed to the cross

Is this the worst? The feet that carry the message of God's love and the hands that healed are pierced with nails as Jesus is nailed to the cross. More wounds, more pain and more humiliation for Jesus.

Jesus, they tried to stop Your hands and feet from doing Your Father's work by nailing You to a cross. You endured the pain of it for us, as You gave Your whole life for us. We thank You and we love You.

Twelfth Station: Jesus dies upon the cross

The sword the Simeon prophesied has pierced Mary's heart/ The hopes of the Apostles are crushed. The veil of the Temple, symbol of the old covenant of God's Love, is torn in two as Jesus' death opens a New Covenant with God.

Jesus, You spoke lovingly to everyone gathered at the foot of Your cross. You knew the new life that Your death made possible. Speak lovingly to us when we come before You and make us worthy of the new life in You.

Thirteenth Station: Jesus is taken from the cross

Now, all that is left is to take Jesus' body down from the cross. All the gentleness, reverence and love denied through this terrible day is possible now. May and the Apostles wonder, is it too late? Is it over?

Jesus, with our prayers, we join in taking Your body down from the cross. We touch You; take the nails out, wash Your wounds, take off the crown of thorns, with love and sorrow. We grieve with Mary, and want to comfort her.

Fourteenth Station: Jesus is laid in the sepulcher

Even in this time of sorrow, there is help. Joseph of Arimathea arranges for Jesus to be buried in a nearby tomb. His body is wrapped in clothes and sealed away. Everyone walks away, weeping. Finally, all is quiet, peaceful even.

Three days later, something wonderful happens - Jesus rises from the dead! The Light of the Resurrection cracks open the tomb - Jesus' light is stronger than death.

As we say our final prayers to end this year's Bisita Iglesia, we reflect upon what has happened, and look forward to the coming of the Risen Christ. 

We ended our day with a celebration. It is not a easy feat to go from one side of Singapore to the other side, especially with kids in tow. Our children rose up to the challenge, they enjoyed the journey, no one fell asleep in the bus, they took part in the reading and the prayers. It was then time to honor our eldest on his 11th birthday after focusing much of the whole day remembering Jesus. That would be in another blog though :)

(personal pictures to follow)

Stay Home, Stay Happy - Chapter 7:Put Technology To Work

A timely chapter since we are in the computer age and we all know that if we can't beat it, better make use of it! Technology has its pros and cons. But if we know how and when we can make use of it to make our lives better, we are way ahead of the game.

Again, here are some important words from this chapter.

Nurturing yourself, your relationships, and your passion

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire! - Ferdinand Foch

The decision to be home with a child for a period or season of life is a weighty one that has a lot to do with how we view at-home motherhood. For our grandmothers, and some of our mothers, staying at home was not really a choice but an expectation. Even those women with a college education and some professional experience were expected to put these interests aside to be a "good" wife and mother. Others who were married young, with little or no professional experience, never had the opportunity to test their skills in anything other than family and motherhood. Many of these women have yearning and relentlessness. 

At-home motherhood is so different now! It has been transformed by many factors, but in so many ways, the technological revolution is the crucial component in the evolution of at-home motherhood, giving moms time-saving tools, the freedom to nurture their passions, and often the ability to work part-time or stay connected in some way to their former work lives. Technology enables moms to explore and delve deeply into virtually any subject in the comfort of their robe and slippers.

Technology has made it much easier to run a part-time business, participate in job-share programs, freelance or consult - all from home. This freedom is why modern moms know that being home does not have to be stifling or isolating experience women once complained about. 

The ability to simultaneously be in both worlds - at home with your kids and contributing to your profession - can be an intoxicating feeling for moms who feel most liberated and truly creative when they are satisfying both essential parts of who they are.

Make technology work for you

The internet is giving moms back time that was once needlessly wasted. Time saved is time that can be spent doing something enjoyable or rejuvenating  - yoga, reading, freelance consulting or writing, painting, or playing dolls with your daughter.

• Need to help your daughter with her research paper? You can do it from your laptop in the kitchen.
• Want to ask your child's teacher about the scale of the Indian Village project due on Monday? Just e-mail her.
• Don't know what to do with your soon-to-be limp cabbage in the vegetable drawer? Put "cabbage" in the search engine, and in under a minute, you have a recipe.
• Moms and dads can synchronize their calendars so that Dad doesn't schedule a business meeting during the kid's school concert.
• Order things online. 
• Grocery shopping online.

No question, the internet saves moms time and allows us to access an unprecedented volume of information, create online communities, and pursue personal interests to a degree unfathomably by at-home moms of any previous generation. All of these advances address the problem that Betty Friedan famously exposed as the chief drawback of at-home motherhood: isolation and monotony.

Stay connected to family and friends

The cell phone is a mommy essential. It not only makes us more efficient  but it also gives us peace of mind. It's a huge bastion against isolation.

Technology is bringing the miles between us. Without technology that we have today, my children would probably not have that much connection with their grandparents back in the Philippines. Although phone calls and snail mails with pictures are good forms of communication, nothing beats seeing them eye-eye using Skype or YM.

Internet is expanding our network beyond our family and friends and allowing us to meet and share ideas with mothers all over the world! It was actually in one of the motherhood forums where I met my close friends on our sixth year here in Singapore. We've been friends for 4 years or so now and I'm really glad I've become part of that forum. The internet is also a memorable "place" for me. This is where where I met my husband some 13 years ago! I can't be more thankful.

While online commentary can sometimes bring out the worst in people, it also has the ability to bring  about great insight and understanding of other people's lives, cultures and perspectives.

The connection to other women is invaluable, and real friendships develop - sometimes even moving beyond the anonymity of screen names to the real world. Like what happened to me!

Just do it! Nurture your passion

Use today's technology to make space for you!

Nurturing your passion is essential to both your soul and your work as a mom. Every mom needs to explore and discover an activity or pursuit that brings her joy. You feel recharged, replenished and ready to pour yourself back into your family.

Your training (job experience) could well be employed in the service of your community or your child's school. Your education and skills are not wasted as an at-home parent! You won't be getting a paycheck for that, but it isn't any less significant to your family, your town, or even our country.

Whether your passion is volunteering or baking, you should rightfully feel proud of making your corner of the world better or sweeter!

If your passion is reading, painting, cycling or gardening, your family will benefit if you just do it! Make time and create time. Make the nurturing of your passion a priority.

Being home with your children is a lot of work, but it also has an incredible amount of flexibility. Focus on the positive: the flexibility and the fact that you are your own boss.

Time spent immersed in your passion, or in the pursuit of a hobby, or exploring a different side of yourself, is good for your soul and, therefore, good for your family.

Many at-home moms have the experience  of discovering their true selves after becoming mothers. The key to making this discovery is make yourself a priority!

Fight the technology demons!

If the technological trappings of modern at-home motherhood have done nothing to create free time in your days, you probably need to reprioritize. Uh-oh. This is gonna hit a chord. I, for one, am a victim at one time. But I could say, I'm a recovering addict - internet addict that is.

We simultaneously have to battle the technology demons - you know, the temptation to be hyperefficient and constantly tuned in, thereby losing sight of the underlying purpose of our decision to be home: spending quality time with our kids.

Today's moms are the most efficient multitaskers in the history of mothering. We pack more than twenty-four hours of work into a twenty-four-hour day!

Is technology helping you to spend more or less time with yourself or your family? If you suspect there is a problem, the best thing to do is to remove it from your life for a period of time.

Your spirit is an inspiration to your kids and to other moms!

Ending this chapter, let me just say a few words. Let's use technology to our advantage - to make our life as an at-home mom more "convenient". Let's be aware of our technology demons so we can make the possible steps to fight them. And remember that help from at-home moms is just a click away!

How to be FREE: Passover Lessons

I got this from my mail box thru my subscriptions at beliefnet.com. I thought it was just in time for the celebration of the Holy Week and I would like to share it here in my blog.

How to Liberate Yourself

We all long to be free from the struggles, fears, hurts and resentments which creep into our lives. We are all entitled to the liberation from them which is promised by the Passover story. Here are ten steps, inspired by Passover traditions both ancient and contemporary, which will help you liberate yourself and enjoy the freedom you deserve.

THROW IT AWAY

Pick a small symbol of whatever is holding you back, and throw it away. Declare that for a specific period of time, say a week, you are simply not going to accept the presence of that problem in your life.

TREAT YOURSELF

Treat yourself to something new that makes you feel fresh -- a new garment or anything else which, when worn, used, etc. makes you feel like you deserve a do-over and are getting one.

Hmm. What a good way to really start fresh! And just in time for the coming school holidays.

GOOD DEEDS

Go out and do something nice for somebody else. It need not be big, but there is no better path to empowerment than serving another person in need.

Well, I just might be able to do so. And this particular help I have in mind is going to make the other person really feel special because it’s a very important event in her life.

REFLECT

Take a moment to identify some things that are already going well. Where do you see even the first signs of new positive potential emerging in your life? They need not be big to be real.

Sometimes we forget to notice the blessings that we receive because they are not that grand or life-changing. Every positive thing, no matter how small, that happens in our lives is something to be thankful for. Sometimes even a negative happening deserves our thanks for it makes us a little bit wiser and a lot stronger.

EMPATHY

Consider where you see others wrestling with challenges in their lives, and think about what you could do to lighten their burden. What abilities do you possess that could brighten someone else’s life?

I don’t really have any special abilities. But if by listening to someone share his/her bad experiences, even if we are only acquaintances, makes him/her feel slightly better, I am willing to do so. I have done it so many times before some people even thought that I was a fake – pretending to be nice to someone I don’t even know personally. But I guess that is just how I was raised. I don’t choose who to listen to or give advice to, as long as it’s needed.

GET SUPPORT

Don’t go it alone. Identify people who could share in your process of liberation and invite them to be part of your circle of support.

I’m quite lucky to have a BIG support group – my immediate family, my in-laws, my close friends, my long distance friends, my co-parent volunteers. It just keeps on growing. I couldn’t ask for more.

LIMIT YOUR WORRIES

Articulate a limited number of challenges, no more than four, and limit your worry to that short list. You have to start somewhere and this is where you choose to do so. The rest can wait.

This is something I am really good at – worrying. I’m a worry-freak and sometimes it just hinders me from really enjoying the moment. Instead of 4, I should just limit the challenge to 1. Because I know that Someone up there (pointing up) will take care of the rest and help me get through them one by one, in His time. No worries.

GET INSPIRED

Find stories of people who have overcome similar challenges and share those stories with your circle of support. If it worked for others, it can work for you.

I’ve always loved reading inspirational books. It’s true, no two people are alike, and no two people can be in similar situations. But I believe that we can always learn something from their stories. And what we have learned, we can pass on to others.

BE GRATEFUL

Make a list of the people and things for which you can be grateful no matter how jammed up your life may otherwise be. Make sure to say ‘thank you’ to those who make the good stuff happen. Gratitude is liberating.

We should be grateful for even the little things in life. Everything we have is a gift. Everyone we meet is a blessing.

FLESH OUT YOUR DREAMS

Articulate your dreams, even if you have no idea about how to make them come true, or any rational expectation that they will. If there was, they would not be dreams. And once you articulate them, you are that much closer to making them real.

I remember an advice in one of the books I’ve read – write your dreams and they will come true. When we write our dreams and see them in paper, we are constantly reminded of what we want to achieve. We tend to focus on them and make steps towards achieving them. There’s nothing wrong in dreaming. Dream big, achieve even bigger! Not I gotta put that in action.

Source: Passover Lessons

Stay Home, Stay Happy - Chapter 6: Don't Go It Alone!

This chapter talks about getting help from people that surround us, who in turn are willing to lend a hand. Let's get to know these resources, tap them, learn from them, and share our experiences with them.

Taking girlfriends, grandparents, and mentors along for a ride

"I've come to believe that there are only two things you need in any new teaching situation to succeed - humility and inquiry." - Lisa Delpit

Humility is one of the most important prerequisite for motherhood. Love is our motivation, but humility allows for introspection, and that's what you need in order to parent consciously. 

No parent is perfect. We all have room for improvement. After all, children don't come with a handbook. And if I may add to that, having more than one child doesn't make one an expert because no two kids are alike!

When we admit our shortcomings (to ourselves and our children) and recognize our need to learn from others, we are better parents. Although trusting our gut is important, it is just as important to accept that we don't and won't have all the answers and to draw on the wisdom of others.

Girlfriends: Fill your bucket!

We all need friends. We look out for one another, and somehow knowing we are all in it together makes everything a little easier.

When kids are busy playing together, moms can count on time to talk, bond and connect. An additional benefit is that getting together with the kids in tow provides us a benchmark of sorts to gauge our own parenting and child's progress.

Surround yourself with friends who accept you for who you are and can help you laugh at your foibles instead of wallowing in them. And I sure am glad I have those kinds of friends, near and far.

Choose your girlfriends wisely and ask yourself if this is a relationship that is supportive, honest and authentic. You deserve and need to have friendships that are liberating and rejuvenating.

Make it a point to surround yourself with people who lift your spirits and with whom you genuinely want to spend time. You don't need any more stress in your life! I hope I am not causing stress on my friends' lives, having a lot of down times myself.

Nurture the grandparent relationship

Grandparents can also be a great help to Mom (and Dad!). But their help extends far beyond babysitting.

Watching grandparents interact with their grandkids, we begin to see why the love between our children and our parents is different from our parental love and why it is something even the best parents cannot replicate.

Unlike parental love, grandparent's love for our children is not saddled with the ultimate responsibility.

Children who enjoy healthy and strong relationships with their grandparents have the security of knowing that someone else in the world loves them as unconditionally and completely as their parents.

When kids go to their grandparents' houses they are made to feel like nothing in the world is more important than their visit that day. My brother and I felt this way when we were visiting my grandparents' house when we were kids, and I'm sure my kids feel the same way whenever we go on holiday to visit my parents.

Nurture the grandparent relationship - everyone will benefit. It is your job to foster this relationship. I hope I am doing the right measures given the situation (grandparents live in another country).

Nurturing the relationship means understanding that indulging grandkids and  breaking their parents' rules is one of the greatest pleasures of being a grandparent. As long as you trust your parents and believe they have good intentions, let them build a relationship with your kids independent of you and your spouse. I guess just don't go overboard. Meaning the kids should know that grandparents are there to love them and give them a little bit of "freedom" from parents' rules, but parents' rules are there to stay :)


Grandparents provide a window into the history and traditions of a family.


Being around elderly parents who are frail or sick can teach children difficult yet important lessons about compassion and the value of human being regardless of infirmities or disabilities - a lesson that is sadly being lost in the culture at large.


One of the most amazing gifts that comes with the birth of the child is the opportunity for families to heal and move past old resentments or issues because the love they share for this child is greater.


Fun ways to Nurture the Grandparents Relationship

• Recognize that it's your responsibility to foster the relationship between your kids and their grandparents.
• Make grandparents feel welcome and special in your home.
• Be willing to take kids to their grandparents.
• Give grandparents and grandkids alone time to build their own relationships.
• Accept that grandparents will indulge your kids and break some of your rules.

Why we need mentors

There is nothing more humbling that having kids around. Their innocence, reflected in their unfiltered thoughts and questions, is the most refreshing and wonderful part about being a parent.


Knowing that the person I am seeking advice from truly respects my work as a mom deeply affects my ability to hear and absorb their wisdom.

Choosing your mommy mentor

A mommy mentor is a mom, usually older than you, whom you turn to for wisdom and insight. She's an experienced mom who's been there and can offer perspective.


She's a cheerleader who takes pride in your successes and finds it personally rewarding to support you and help you avoid some of the pitfalls she encountered.


Women who have raised strong families who share deep bonds. They have healthy and easy relationships with their grown children, and they truly enjoy being together as a family.


Don't underestimate your kids. Often, in the face of peer and cultural pressure, our kids are wiser and bolder than we give them credit for.

You need more than one


You should surround yourselves with as many different types of mommy mentors as possible. Life hands us a variety of situations to deal with, so you need a variety of resources to draw upon.


Even if your mom is the best possible role model, chances are that you can point to at least one thing you'd like to do differently from your parents. So find a mommy mentor who can help you. Otherwise, it is easy to fall back into old familiar family patterns you were hoping to avoid.


It's always best to really get to know your "mentor" first and to get advice from more than one person you trust!

Pay it forward

Sometimes our reactions are more about how we think something reflects on us, rather than the actual behavior of the child.


The wisdom of letting go and accepting and loving our children for who they are at this very moment, even if it's not exactly what we would want them to do or say.


Do not overreact or over analyze our kids. They should have the freedom to be who they are, confident that their parents love them unconditionally.


Pay it forward - set out to make the life of another busy at-home mom just a little easier.




Pearls of Wisdom: My Favorite Advice from Other Moms

• Your relationship with your child is like a bank account. Love and bonding moments are "deposits"; restrictions and reprimands are "withdrawals". You cannot withdraw funds you do not have. -- Marisol (mother of two)
• Women have more strength than they realize. When the going gets tough, just keep going. -- Carol (mother of eleven, grandmother of 30)
• You can't have quality parenting without quantity parenting. -- Jane (mother of 4)
• It's important to figure out your own life before involving someone else. If you don't know yourself, you will be constantly searching, and it will be harder to be the selfless person you need to be as a parent. -- Sharon (mother of 3, grandmother of 2)
• Your child develops into his own independent person, different from you. He is not always going to do what you want or expect. If you accept that, parenting your child will be a success. -- Ruth (mother of 1, grandmother of 2)
• Don't personalize it when they pull away. That's what they are supposed to do. And remember that respect is a two-way street in the parent-child relationship. -- Peggy (mother of 2)

Another chapter's been revealed. I'm sure we are all getting closer (if we are not already there) to appreciating our life as at-home parents, and to becoming really happy. 

I'm sure glad to have a handful of moms around me who I can refer to when I'm in need. Some of them are older than me, same age as me or even younger than me. I take whatever it is that helps in my parenting. And more often than not, these circle of friends / female family members give sound advice. So go out there, look for your mommy mentors (if you don't have them yet). Share experiences with them, ask for advice from there. And don't forget to pay it forward.